I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
