there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
