living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
