Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
