I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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