She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
