i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
