You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All I want is dick and wine.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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