She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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