even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
