you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
