a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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