accomplished twins. life is a go
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
