I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
