Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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