Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
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Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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