Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
