dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
