Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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