I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
