Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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