Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
