If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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