I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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