so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
