i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
