What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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