you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
