just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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