found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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