batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
