she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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