She went from zero to smokin in five shots
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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