Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I deserve this hangover.
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