i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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