I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize