So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
