he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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