I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
