exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
