Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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