On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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