Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
