At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's get the cat blown out
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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