talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
