Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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