So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
