It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
