i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
