if you like me you must not know who I am
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
