o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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