i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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