i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
