You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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