suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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