awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
