there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
