I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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