Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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