so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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