So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
