I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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