The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
