Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
