Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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