I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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