the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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