dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just gift wrapped bread.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
