Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
