What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
